funny

Why Dogs Are Better Than Humans: A Poem

Have you ever met a human who cried when you were gone,
and desired to lick your face at the crack of each dawn?
Have you ever met a human who enjoyed the smell of your toe?
Would let you tie their long, silky ears in an unflattering bow?
Have you ever had a human spread garbage around your home,
and still find them as sweet as a freshly-made honeycomb?
Have you ever seen a human so filled with glee,
that they slide into walls at the sight of thee?
Have you ever found a human on kijiji and said,
I need that human in my life; it will be sheltered and fed?
Have you ever met a human who would sleep on your knee,
or had to courtesy to tell you when they needed to pee?
Have you ever met a human who was unconditionally loyal?
Who thought so highly of you that you almost felt royal?

Well, if you have, marry that person, right now. You have found true love. Also, if you can e-mail me the Kijiji page you found them on, I would appreciate it a lot.

P.s. To say I love my basset hound, Archie, would be like saying “Mel Gibson looks good for his age.” It is the understatement of the century. Like Mel, Archie is flawless, sassy, confusing, mysterious, impetuous and manly. Unlike Mel, Archie is stable and I don’t hypothesize that he will find a way to rule the world one day.

P.p.s. Thank you for looking at my page! I really appreciate it! Have I mentioned that you are looking exceptionally great today?

Doodles: Part 2

Someone you should know about: Heather Rooney

This is a public service announcement: Instagram is not just about posting selfies or “food porn” (p.s. That is frozen peas and a discounted grocery store chicken on your roommates plastic plate. The porn equivalent to that would be a naked photo of George Bush).

Instagram is also the center of the universe for fine artistic creations. Someone I want to bring up first is Heather Rooney, a girl I found on art_collective (my favourite instagram page) about a year ago. She either has the best anti-aging lotion I’ve ever seen, or she is the most gifted 20-something year old in existence. I like to think of the former to avoid severe feelings of inadequacy. Heather’s realism is consistently unbelievable – to the point where she has to post videos of the work process because people actually don’t believe what they see. The amount of drawings she hammers out in a month is also hard to fathom considering the amount of detail and perfectionism that goes into each one. Heather is someone to look out for in the future and the first person to try and contact if you want a commissioned piece done. She will often do portraits of her instagram followers upon request, so if you want an exact replica of yourself done out of pencil crayons, add @heather12ooney!

Places to Go, Things to Do: Seattle

 Seattle is for people who:

– Enjoy fish being thrown in the air by attractive, rugged men

– Are not prone to becoming addicted to clam chowder

– Are searching for some hand-made bling bling to purchase

– Have never seen a meth addict before (and want to)

– Want to finally have that romantic kiss in the rain (Seattle has an abundance of both rain, and fairly attractive homeless people)

– Have a burning desire to see an alleyway completely covered in chewing gum

– Live near the West coast (I mean, I wouldn’t buy an $800 return flight from Ontario to see it, but it’s a great opportunity if greyhound is having a sale).

Seattle

sea 11

great people

NOTE: If a duckmarine tour bus driver tells you that the Lady Gaga meat dress is in the EMP museum, do NOT believe him. Hours of searching were spent, only to have an employee at the museum look at us like your relatives look at you when you tell them you are a film major.